Jesus Our Father In Heaven, Shine Down On me Today , I need your strength Dear Father, So help me along my way. You see I've made some choices, That probably weren't the best,Yet Dear Father I know you're here, To help me on my quest. Help me to love my mother,. who chooses to die in vain. My baby sister is filled with cancer, She longs to know your name. Lead her my sweet Father, For your the only way, That I can face tomorrow, And not be so afraid. Take away my anger Lord, my hatred and my fears. Fill me up with your love and wipe away my tears. I give my life to you sweet Lord, Do with it what you need. I know you'll lead me to the water And cleanse me pure and sweet
Lori Sullivan:3-08-08

Is Jesus real I've heard you ask, A question filled with fear. But before I had the chance to answer, It had already become clear. Dropping to her knees, where she had just once stood, raising her hands to the awesome sight that changed her life for good. Jesus stood upon the air outstreched arms to thee, come with me my child and I will let you see. Your question isn't the only one I've answered for you my child. Don''t your remember all those times You asked me to take away, Those monsters in your closet, you promised to always pray... But I didn't hear from you again until your 13th year, whenever your mommy & daddy fought, and you were were petrified with fear? Again you promised to keep me close, But I knew that it was untrue. For it took me several years again, To get my arms around you. It was on your wedding day as you were taking your first vows. You promised to love him in My name, and you both got on your knees to bow.Yet again you turned from me dear child, no matter how hard I tried. So one more time I called for you, The day your babies died. You spoke to me in anger, But I didn't care at all. I wiped my tears from my eyes, Just happy you made the call. Father who art in heaven... why have you hurt me so? My dear child I said to you, It's not for you to know. I wrapped my arms around you and held you and took your pain. My sweet child I didnt hurt you It was written a long time ago, Your angels werent meant for earthly things, In heaven they were meant to grow. It was known that you would hate me and give me all the blame, my dear child thats why I died for you, to take away your pain! So today I hear you question, in the corners of your mind. About my being real Let me ask you these 3 things then we'll make a deal
Are you happy with me? Do you praise me everyday? Are you teaching all you can to your children To get on their knees and pray? Well then my dear child, Ill put your mind at ease, if you promise me today to never doubt, if Im real or not, Dear child I'm here to stay
Ramblings from my tired head-as me and Jesus talked
3-09-08

Kinsey and Kylee were born on January 27th after a 6 month, pretty normal preganacy. Brian and I had wanted one more child and got pregnant right away, we thought we needed another sibling for our girls Chelsey and Kamryn. I found out I was pregnant while Brian was away on his yearly hunting trip, and couldn't wait until he called that night to tell him. He was very happy. The pregnancy seemed a little different as I was so sick all the time not even being able to burn my candles that I loved sooo much, only smell I liked was bleach. It was trying and tiring all the time. One evening early in the preganacy I started to bleed, I was only about 11-12 weeks so I called my Dr. and was told to come in, I was probably having a mis-carriage. So Brian and I prepared ourselves for the worse and drove over to Boise to receieve our news...after an initial check showed blood but a closed cervix, an ultrasound was ordered, and the tech asked if we had twins in our family line, we said no ( I wasn't thinking clearly it being late and me being scared, we have them in mine) but she looked at us showed us the screen and said, well you do now. The look on Brians face was priceless, and I cried.Then I laughed, then I cried, laugh.....We went home and I wanted to call everybody I knew, but it was too late, I did the next day. Everything seemed to cont. normally as twin pregnacy's go I had to see the Dr. a little more. We couldn't wait to have our 20 week ultrasound to see what we were having, I had to go to a specialist because of my age ( which was only 31) but as a precaution. We went to the long appt, it took like 2 hours to look at every body part of thise girls, yes we were having identical twin girls, they were so active that day, I remember seeing Kylee kick Kinsey right in the face, I remember feeling sorry for her. We were warned about a condition called twin to twin transfusion syndrome, which affects only identical twins due tot he fact they share a placenta, but at this time eveything looked perfect and the girls were right on track. My next appt went well, but exactly 16 days after that initial appt. I was just not feeling right, just kinda blah. My friend Lisa talked me into calling my Dr. just to ease my mind. She told me to go ahead and come in just to check but was sure all was fine, so I waited for Chelsey and Kamryn to get home from school and Brian to get home from work and we made the trip to Boise. They did a blood test for anemia which was fine but decided to do an ultrasound so the girls could see their sisters in action, the girls were not moving, I knew right away something was wrong, ususally they were all over, today, they were just lying still, poor Dr. Armstrong, (Harmony my Dr. Was delivering or something) he kept his big smile on his face the whole time. He just couldn't find their heartbeats, so he sent us down to radiology where the better machines were, we'd pick up the heartbeats there, as we were lying there I specifically remember feeling sorry for the tech as she told me no, she was pregnant also and I couldn't imagine how that must of frightened her. My Dr. came in ( Harmony) and took the wand from her and tried again, I remember her just looking at me and shaking her head no, remember I have my little girls with me. I remember Chelsey crying and being very mad, and Kamryn who was 5 at the time not really understanding what was going on. I remember looking at my husband, the look on his face is undescribable. I never want to see that look again. After that I had my sister in law Tammy come get the girls, I had to stay and prepare to give birth to my beautiful dead baby girls. We walked to labor and delivery, I remember wanting to pop all the baloons I saw there that said "congrats" " It's a girl" but then I felt bad. I remember Harmony getting us settled in the room making sure we had all we needed, then being gone for awhile. I later found out my sweet Dr. had to take time out to cry. I never cried in the hospital,I think I needed to be stong for eveyone else. We gave birth the next day at noon, the girls were born 20 min. apart.  Kinsey came first and 20 min later my sweet little Kylee.They were beautiful. We held them for awhile, just me and Brian,then they were taken away. Autopsies and genetic testing was done but in the end never gave us answers. I have dealt with it by blaming twin to twin. My babies were cremated and sit on my bedside table along with their picture, someday we will bury them, but for now they belong with me. Thankyou for caring, and reading our story.